the kappas party.

It was an amazing night. I always say I'm not dancing with anybody when I get to parties but towards the end, they start playing the slow music and I see homeboy staring, I can't help but give in..

I may have to withdraw from school. I never thought I would have to say that but I can't sit here and act like my financial situation is okay when it's not. Time is running out. Literally. I don't understand how a school has no other options for students without money, bad credit and no other help coming in but the front door. It just blows my mind. I'm being robbed all this money and no one can help me? What the fuck is that? I'm crying just thinking about me going back home. I really don't want to leave but it's either my mother pay out of her pocket and have no place to live or me going back home to either transfer or just take off a semester and try again in the spring. This is extremely depressing. I'm even starting to doubt myself and lose my way. I've put my faith in God for this long and look where it's got me. But then again, everything happens for a reason. So if it's meant to be for me to come home then I'm sure God has a purpose for it. Gone.

everybody likes homeboy. like everybody! including a lot of my friends. i don't really care cause i'm kinda over it... but then i see him and i'm back to thinking about him for the rest of the day/night. that's embarrassing. he's a good guy. he really is but i don't wanna be like every girl here that's all over him and sweating him and shit. and he be playing me anyway! he don't never say hi when he see me and i damn sure ain't saying hi first. fuck allat. ion't need it. we can be friends.. or we could just continue to act like we didn't text each other all summer and act like we don't know each other at all.. that's cool too. whatever. i wasn't even thinking about him until i was telling my friend about how i drunk text him friday night by accident.. gone.

Friday night was amazinggggggg! I drank and drank and drank and drank! And I smoked for the first time- that was cool. I was with some friends and we just had the best time! No party needed. No guys needed. Just a bunch of girls drinking, smoking, cracking jokes, laughing and dancing. I gotta do it  again next weekend and I'm gonna bring my best friend/roommate with me!

on my bs.

I need a job.

college student rambling.

I'm at school now. I never felt so alone. I want to go home immediately but I can't because as long as I have this opportunity, I have to take it or I'll lose it and it'll never come back. Making friends is extremely hard for me so I don't even try to make friends anymore. My money situation is stressing me out; I don't even know if I'll be here after September is over. I miss my family so much. I used to see them all everyday, and now I barely even talk to them. I've just been so busy. I'm a biology major.. tough shit. But I'm gonna try really hard to stick with it because I dream of one day being a PT for dancers and gymnast. But if not, I can always fall back on sociology. I love that damn class and I'm really good in it.