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I'm in love with a character in a book. How pathetic am I? Don't answer that.

thought.

So I'm reading this ghetto ass book my sister gave me and surprise surprise, I can't put it down. There's a character in the book who I'm infatuated with. Why? I don't even know. -_- The character is this skinny guy who lost his entire family when he was younger and became homeless; living on the streets and fighting for anything to survive. He has this bad reputation around the neighborhood as this just all out crazy person. Killing, beating, robbing, all that. But he's like OD smart. And he's respectful and kind to women, but in like a weird kid who's nervous talking to the opposite sex type of way. I love it. I want it. His character alone is the only reason why I'm reading this book. If I ever was to meet someone like him, I swear I'd never let him go.

random thinking..

Sometimes, I wish me and my father were closer... or had a real relationship period. He's missing out on so much andddddd- it doesn't bother me as much as it annoys me. You're younger kids are not the only ones who need you; you have three older kids who never hear from you unless you're cussing us out about not contacting you or trying to guilt us into kissing your ass.. You need to do better- I'm not saying I don't need to make some changes but seriously.. Step your game up..

the kappas party.

It was an amazing night. I always say I'm not dancing with anybody when I get to parties but towards the end, they start playing the slow music and I see homeboy staring, I can't help but give in..

I may have to withdraw from school. I never thought I would have to say that but I can't sit here and act like my financial situation is okay when it's not. Time is running out. Literally. I don't understand how a school has no other options for students without money, bad credit and no other help coming in but the front door. It just blows my mind. I'm being robbed all this money and no one can help me? What the fuck is that? I'm crying just thinking about me going back home. I really don't want to leave but it's either my mother pay out of her pocket and have no place to live or me going back home to either transfer or just take off a semester and try again in the spring. This is extremely depressing. I'm even starting to doubt myself and lose my way. I've put my faith in God for this long and look where it's got me. But then again, everything happens for a reason. So if it's meant to be for me to come home then I'm sure God has a purpose for it. Gone.

everybody likes homeboy. like everybody! including a lot of my friends. i don't really care cause i'm kinda over it... but then i see him and i'm back to thinking about him for the rest of the day/night. that's embarrassing. he's a good guy. he really is but i don't wanna be like every girl here that's all over him and sweating him and shit. and he be playing me anyway! he don't never say hi when he see me and i damn sure ain't saying hi first. fuck allat. ion't need it. we can be friends.. or we could just continue to act like we didn't text each other all summer and act like we don't know each other at all.. that's cool too. whatever. i wasn't even thinking about him until i was telling my friend about how i drunk text him friday night by accident.. gone.

Friday night was amazinggggggg! I drank and drank and drank and drank! And I smoked for the first time- that was cool. I was with some friends and we just had the best time! No party needed. No guys needed. Just a bunch of girls drinking, smoking, cracking jokes, laughing and dancing. I gotta do it  again next weekend and I'm gonna bring my best friend/roommate with me!

on my bs.