random thinking..

Sometimes, I wish me and my father were closer... or had a real relationship period. He's missing out on so much andddddd- it doesn't bother me as much as it annoys me. You're younger kids are not the only ones who need you; you have three older kids who never hear from you unless you're cussing us out about not contacting you or trying to guilt us into kissing your ass.. You need to do better- I'm not saying I don't need to make some changes but seriously.. Step your game up..

the kappas party.

It was an amazing night. I always say I'm not dancing with anybody when I get to parties but towards the end, they start playing the slow music and I see homeboy staring, I can't help but give in..

I may have to withdraw from school. I never thought I would have to say that but I can't sit here and act like my financial situation is okay when it's not. Time is running out. Literally. I don't understand how a school has no other options for students without money, bad credit and no other help coming in but the front door. It just blows my mind. I'm being robbed all this money and no one can help me? What the fuck is that? I'm crying just thinking about me going back home. I really don't want to leave but it's either my mother pay out of her pocket and have no place to live or me going back home to either transfer or just take off a semester and try again in the spring. This is extremely depressing. I'm even starting to doubt myself and lose my way. I've put my faith in God for this long and look where it's got me. But then again, everything happens for a reason. So if it's meant to be for me to come home then I'm sure God has a purpose for it. Gone.

everybody likes homeboy. like everybody! including a lot of my friends. i don't really care cause i'm kinda over it... but then i see him and i'm back to thinking about him for the rest of the day/night. that's embarrassing. he's a good guy. he really is but i don't wanna be like every girl here that's all over him and sweating him and shit. and he be playing me anyway! he don't never say hi when he see me and i damn sure ain't saying hi first. fuck allat. ion't need it. we can be friends.. or we could just continue to act like we didn't text each other all summer and act like we don't know each other at all.. that's cool too. whatever. i wasn't even thinking about him until i was telling my friend about how i drunk text him friday night by accident.. gone.

Friday night was amazinggggggg! I drank and drank and drank and drank! And I smoked for the first time- that was cool. I was with some friends and we just had the best time! No party needed. No guys needed. Just a bunch of girls drinking, smoking, cracking jokes, laughing and dancing. I gotta do it  again next weekend and I'm gonna bring my best friend/roommate with me!

on my bs.

I need a job.

college student rambling.

I'm at school now. I never felt so alone. I want to go home immediately but I can't because as long as I have this opportunity, I have to take it or I'll lose it and it'll never come back. Making friends is extremely hard for me so I don't even try to make friends anymore. My money situation is stressing me out; I don't even know if I'll be here after September is over. I miss my family so much. I used to see them all everyday, and now I barely even talk to them. I've just been so busy. I'm a biology major.. tough shit. But I'm gonna try really hard to stick with it because I dream of one day being a PT for dancers and gymnast. But if not, I can always fall back on sociology. I love that damn class and I'm really good in it.

Erykah Badu

I've never admired anyone like this before- especially not someone famous. Everything she is, everything she stands for, everything she gives to others like myself. Although I don't know Erykah personally, I feel like she's known me since I was little. She's inspired me to open up my mind beyond my wildest dreams! I love this woman so much! If I were to meet her, I'd probably cry my eyes out then pee my pants! >_<

Learning about myself and others.

I've learned that I can't control what people do. If I don't like what they're doing or saying or how they're handling a situation, all I can do is state my opinion if absolutely needed and move on from the situation and maybe even the person. The way I see things can be completely different compared to someone I call my best friend. I learned that the obstacles I go through in my life and the lesson I've learned from them have nothing to do with others I associate myself with. I learned that my anger problem can be almost deadly at times. I learned that as I grew/grow up, I'll grow out of some friendships...even if I don't want to. Trying to hold onto an old childhood friend that doesn't want to be held on to is pointless and I won't waste my time anymore..

Open thoughts

Open letter: Update.

I haven't been up here in a while. I'm back on tumblr and I regret it. I'm okay. My senior year is almost coming to an end and I couldn't be happier. Some of my friendships have taken a turn for the worst. I don't mind it though. Lately I've been slackin as far as school work goes. I got a month left and the laziness will be the death of me. My attitude has gotten bad too. I was working on it before and it was getting better- it really was!.. But I'm back to where I used to be and worse because I catch myself being disrespectful to adults and I've never done that before. My mouth is more foul than ever before; I cuss like a sailor..LITERALLY. I'm working on it though. I got accepted into Delaware State and I'll be attending there with one of my best friends in the fall. I'm excited but I'm nervous. I'm still forever alone. No one who's interested in me, no one who I'm interested in... atleast I don't think... Lately I've been doing this thing where I don't complain about anything- my sister told me that's not a good idea because instead of speaking out on what I don't like, I hold it all in.. which leads to my attitude.. I think that's all for my update. I'll be around..

Opening diary: Ranting.

I'm tired of people saying and doing what they want and thinking I'm not gonna say anything about it. I'm tired of holding my breath for the sake of hurting someone's feelings. Fuck that. From now on, if anybody say something slick to me I'm coming at them with no cookie cutter shit- straight disrespect.

A month ago =]

Losing someone.

Losing someone is never easy. My uncle called early this morning with the news that his wife had died in her sleep. I hate to see anyone in my family hurt, especially my uncle. He's been through so much and he loved her with all of his heart. She was the sweetest woman I can remember my uncle ever bringing home. I was suppose to go down there for April vacation to spend the week with them. I'm hurt. I'm sad. I'm depressed. But I'm here to be strong for my uncle and the rest of my family and her family. This is a terrible way to start a weekend. I haven't been to church in a while and I know it's terrible to only go when things are going really good or really bad, but I need some guidance. I can't keep losing people like this. It's taking it's toll on me. It's really time for me to get my life together and cherish everything and everyone in it more. My family is strong. We'll be fine.. I'm sure of it.. I hope.. I need them to be.. for me..

My Other Websites..

iamazia.tumblr.com

twitter.com/whaddupaziaa

youtube.com/user/IamAzia

Seriously. I love Mr. Omar

=]

I love seeing people happy.. It just makes me smile

Cry..

Have you ever had a problem you had to keep to yourself and you're trying but it hurts like hell? It's a feeling I despise, bringing misery to life. Wishing you had someone to trust in. So you can let it all out, convey the reason you've been feeling so down. But when you reach out for help, you find there's no one but yourself. I know..

Life won't be this tough forever, only one thing makes it better. Don't hold it inside, no such thing as pride when your hearts on the line. It's okay to cry.

I know what you're feeling. I've been through it myself. Contained emotions, I was locked in a shell. Little did I know, I was headed down that road. I never had a compass directing where I should go.Make a left off victim road. Continue straight into the light, because that's where you should find help.

Life won't be this tough forever, only one thing makes it better. Don't hold it inside, no such thing as pride when your hearts on the line. It's okay to cry. And we're never too old or too grown to just cry. You gotta let it out sometime. Sit in a corner and cry, hug on a pillow and cry. Scream to the top of your lungs and just cry..

-Tynisha Keli AKA The story of my life..

Stupid Blizzards

I was bribed into shoveling. The snow came up to my thighs..

Future Thoughts.

I never thought I was the type of kid who would go to college after high school. I was always the artsy kid who slacked off in class and drew pictures instead of doing work. But I've drifted away from the person I used to be and as I've gotten older my thoughts towards my future have changed. I'm a senior in high school, and I'm absolutely terrified of what's in store for me next. I've been accepted to three colleges so far and it didn't hit me until today that after June 2011, I'll be expected to act like an adult. That makes me nervous just thinking about it, but I'm ready. I'm ready to live my life for me, not worrying about impressing or disappointing anyone. I plan to go to college to study my Bachelor of Science Degree in Physical Therapy and if science isn't working out then I'll switch to my fall back plan- Computer Science/Programming. I think my future's pretty bright if I do say so myself. I just want to be successful and happy.

p.s. I lost my artistic touch. I'm going to start sketching again and I WILL get the artsy kid that got lost along the way back..

Lea Lorraine

I have a girl crush on Lea Lorraine from Bad Girls Club season 5..(In a totally non-gay way[no offense])

 

Whaddup.=]

Aggravation.

I wish I had friends who understood me. I'm so tired of explaining myself. I don't want to go out and get drunk every night. It was fun at first, but now it's just getting old. And on top of that I twisted my ankle yesterday; it's swollen, purple, and it hurts to even stand on it. Do you really think I'm about to walk to your house and then go out limping like I got shot or something. *shakes head no* I need to experience a different environment with different people.

Bad Mothering.

(This isn't a personal post. I'm not talking about anyone in particular)
I'm not a mother so I don't know exactly how mothers feel but doesn't it make you think about what type of parent you are when you try nearly everyday to get someone to watch your kid while you go and live the life you had before getting pregnant? Like why have the kid in the first place if you're not ready? And I don't really support abortions so, why be so clueless and dumb when it came to sex? It just doesn't make sense to me and frankly, it irritates me to the point that I want to hit you. (And again, this isn't a personal post, so relax)

I'm not going to write anymore about this topic because I'm getting heated just thinking of all the deadbeats..

Whaddup New Crush!

There's this childhood friend I have that I lost contact with like eight years ago. I had a little crush on him back then, but thought nothing of it because I was like nine and that was my homeboy. But today he messaged me and we got to talking about everything that we used to do and get into when we were younger with our other friends. He was always smooth, even as a kid.. I forgot that. I liked that, I still do. I doubt this will grow into anything else besides us being close friends again and I'm okay with that. I don't even think I'm ready for another relationship; I'm not up for taking a chance with getting hurt again..

A fun night on Southern's campus

Extremely Proud of Myself.

I finally got off this never ending stressful roller coaster with you. I realized that I was holding on to who you used to be and not who you are now. I made excuses for you and why you acted the way you did. Well I'm ecstatic to say that I'm done. We should remain friends because besides you having your douche bag tendencies, you're a really cool guy. You're pissed and you're not talking to me right now because you said you didn't want to be just friends but I know that you'll come around. I miss you already. This is crazy. I'm about to cry.. I NEVER CRY! -__- I need you to hug me and tell me that it's okay and you're not mad at me- that would make me feel a whole lot better.. I love you kid.

Aaliyah Dana Haughton.

Aaliyah would be 32 today. It's almost been 10 years since she passed away. Rest in peace, you are never forgotten and forever missed.

My Saturday Night (Jan. 15, 2011)

Last night was one of the best night's I've had in a long time. I put all the stress I've been dealing with in the back of my mind and just enjoyed myself. I love my friends, they always know how to cheer me up and make me laugh. I hope next weekend is just as fun.

My own personal intro.

Welcome to my blog. I'm Azia, and I'm a senior in high school. I'm here to share myself with you. So don't judge me! =]